Why I believe in giving people time to think

Reflections on the power of listening in coaching, inspired by Nancy Kline

One of the most transformative things I’ve learned in my journey as a coach, and as a human being, is the value of deep, uninterrupted listening. Not listening to reply. Not listening with one ear while thinking about your own experience. But real, focused attention that gives someone space to think for themselves.

Nancy Kline’s book ‘Time to Think’ gave language to something I’d often felt but hadn’t quite named: when people are truly listened to, they think better. Not just a little better…profoundly better. They gain clarity, confidence, creativity. They find their own solutions.

And honestly? It’s powerful to witness.

Coaching Isn't About Giving the Answers

As a coach, I’m not there to tell people what to do. That might sound strange to anyone used to advice-driven industries, but it’s one of the core principles of my coaching practice. I believe people are far more resourceful than they give themselves credit for; and my role is to create the kind of environment where that resourcefulness can emerge.

That doesn’t mean I just sit there in silence for an hour while they talk. Coaching isn’t passive. It’s active listening, guided reflection, and skilful questioning. I’m holding the space intentionally, helping people explore their thoughts safely and without interruption, so they can go deeper than they usually would.

Sometimes I’ll gently challenge a limiting belief. Sometimes I’ll offer a reframing question or notice something in their language. But always, I’m doing it in service of their thinking…not to steer the conversation toward what I think is right.

And that’s what Nancy Kline’s work affirms: when we trust people’s ability to think for themselves, and we give them the conditions to do so, remarkable things happen.

The Damage of “Helping Too Soon”

Before I trained as a coach, I used to think I was being helpful when I jumped in with ideas or suggestions. I’m someone who loves to problem-solve. I’d often find myself finishing people’s sentences, assuming I knew where they were going—and 9 times out of 10, I was wrong.

Even when I was right, it didn’t really help them. What it did was interrupt their flow. It closed something down. Because whether I realised it or not, I was saying: “I’ve already figured this out. You don’t need to.”

That’s the opposite of empowering.

Now, I notice those moments and sit on my hands if I have to. When I resist the urge to interrupt, people often arrive somewhere so much more powerful than I ever could have guided them to. And it’s their insight…not mine. That’s what makes it stick.

Creating a Thinking Environment

Nancy Kline describes a “Thinking Environment” as a space built on ten components - things like appreciation, ease, equality, and incisive questions. But the heart of it, to me, is attention. Pure, focused attention. It sounds simple, but in practice, it’s rare.

Think about how often people interrupt in meetings. Or how quickly we fill a silence in conversation because it feels awkward. In my coaching, I’ve learned to value those silences. I’ve learned to trust that when someone is given just a bit more time, something important arrives.

Sometimes I’ll ask, “What more do you think, or feel, or want to say?” And often, what comes after that is the golden bit - the insight, the breakthrough, the truth they’d been circling around. Thank you Nancy for that perfect question - so simple, yet so powerful.

This Isn’t Just Coaching. It’s Human.

Although I use these principles in coaching sessions, I’ve started noticing how they play out in day-to-day life too. In conversations with friends, with my children, with colleagues - whenever I slow down, listen more intentionally, and make space for thinking, the quality of connection improves.

We’re all surrounded by noise. We’re bombarded with opinions, decisions, comparisons. But when someone truly listens to us, without trying to fix or judge or hurry us, something in us settles. And from that place, we think better.

That’s why Nancy Kline’s ‘Time to Think’ resonated so deeply with me - not just as a coach, but as a person. It reminded me of the importance of creating space. Of holding back from filling in the gaps. Of trusting that people are capable of thinking clearly, if we stop getting in their way.

Why This Matters

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure - ask yourself: when was the last time someone really gave you time to think?

And if you’re a leader, a parent, a colleague, or simply a friend: what would change if you offered that kind of space to others?

Coaching has taught me that presence is powerful. That sometimes, the most supportive thing we can do for someone isn’t to offer advice; it’s to sit with them, hold the space, and say: “Take your time. I’m here.”

And if you’re curious about what you might discover with that kind of space, I’d love to talk.

Want to experience the power of time to think for yourself?
Let’s have a conversation. No pressure, no fixing—just space to explore what’s on your mind. Book a free discovery call here.